Saturday, January 5, 2013

Handle With Care

I am no youngling having to deal with people in a high school or middle school (god forbid elementary) mired by bullies. I am an adult-- at least in legal terms-- and I still feel a form of this reaching into the realm of "grown-ups".
Most acutely the sting of those I would call the Helper Bullies. People that might actually have a sense of good virtue towards you in them but just say--sometimes do-- all the wrong things. 

They come in many forms. The one who tells you you really should lose some weight-- maybe you'll be healthier (backhanded help). The one who surmises you are (insert sneaky demeaning comment about laziness or intelligence level here) because you haven't (circle one--- tried hard enough/learned enough/done anything really) with the conclusion that they are trying to help you with your goals. The one who asks (again) what you did for your (insert event here) because theirs was just SO wonderful and they just have to tell you so you do that next time.
Some of these might not mean any harm but when it is a recurring theme you get the idea that maybe they used to be the one holding a child-peer upside down to gain their possessions way back in their glory days. 
Not cool guys, not cool.

Then again I have come to realize that some of these people are truly unintentionally being mean. (Yes, even if it's true I should be able to learn by myself how to ship something for ebay. I really have to feel comfortable about my knowledge of something before actually doing it when it involves people n merchandise. So just let me know before you strike with meanness.) For them I say just think about the person you are speaking to and how whatever you are about to say can make them feel. I'm a believer in tough love and some of the Helper Bully remarks I have heard really were for my betterment and said with good intentions; but sometimes it just made the thing worse.

Let's make the world of grown-ups a little enlightened and learn to communicate with each other. 
Let's learn to communicate with empathy, bring a bit of tough love with forewarning, choose our words wisely, hold hands and sing kumbaya.... Well maybe not that last thing, but we could still hold someones hand and help them along with care if they need it.
 With Care.

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